Full of... Theories

Thu, 10/16/2008 - 15:25 — Compost Stu

Another of my favourite theories will not amuse the fairer sex. In the course of my work, I have recommended compost toilets to nearly every client I have met. The response is fairly predictable. If I am dealing with the "man of the house", he assures me that he would love a composting toilet but his partner would never allow it. If I am dealing with the "lady of the house", the discussion is very brief. Most western women are faecal phobic! It is just the case. Corporations have directed the fear based advertising campaigns for their household germicides and cleaners at women and women have bought the concept lock stock and barrel. If it ain't white and shiny, it ain't clean. Another explanation requires a look at our toilet practices. Men are happy to take the paper into the loo and relax, take their time, forget about all the other worries and enjoy the experience. In fact, it is the closest to meditation most men get. Women, on the other hand, get the job done and over with in record time. Why is this so? I have applied my "40,000 year rule" to this question and come up with this theory. Most of the time we have inhabited this earth, we used the most rudimentary toilet systems. Many animals eat human shit. Dogs, pigs, and who knows what else would be lurking about waiting for a feed near the cave crapper. Now a big strong caveman with a spear would have less to worry about than his comparatively diminutive ladyfriends. In fact, they may even have to contend with the neighbouring big strong caveman as well as all the beasties. Add this to the fact that the men would often go hunting for days leaving women alone and afraid to go out for a crap and we have the basis of a theory. Have you ever noticed that young women tend to go to the toilet together? Safety in numbers methinks.

Ladies Sign

Unfortunately there is living proof of this theory. Many places in Asia and Africa still have no toilets. Women are unable to defecate in the open due to cultures that demand high standards of modesty from women. These "prisoners of daylight" must wait till dark, when it is not uncommon for the women to be harassed or followed by men. However, in most places, the faecal phobia that has developed amongst women is no longer valid, since safe latrines with locks and doors are standard for even composting toilets. SO…………, ladies, get on board and grace the pedestals with your fine behinds. I fear our fertilizer may be missing something essential if you don't.

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