Stu's View from the Loo

Mon, 08/13/2012 - 13:11 — Compost Stu

There’s a wispy mist billowing out of the nearby dam / frog pond that is home to many a frog and wading bird alike. This morning there is a Heron strutting its way around the edges, taking the tasty morsels and deep throat waggling them all the way down its gullet. It’s all a bit surreal and in the early morning light, I imagine a hand holding a cleaver raising from the depths. The ethereal spirit of the frogpond, eternally green and covered in slime moulds and algae, has decided to offer me a solution to the cane toads that have appeared since I slashed my property a few weeks ago. The lumpy old toads have decided that as they can now cross my terrain without too much effort, they’d like to take up residence in my frogpond. We shall see……
A couple of nights ago I saw a doco on the blighters compliments of the ABC. I was amused, saddened, angered and motivated by the stories of the many toad lovers, haters and nonchalant types interviewed, but most of all I was smitten with curiosity, one which has driven me to hunt and destroy the unwelcome invaders.
So along with a small army of wwoofers and a powerful spotlight, we set out at night to capture alive the plagueing pests. The bigger males give themselves away with their throaty calls that sound like a firefighter pump with a leaky exhaust, so we tracked them around the dam in our gumboots, carefully sneaking up to within striking distance whilst blinding them with torch light. With lightning reflexes, I attacked from the rear, snatching up their hind leg with my bare hand. The wwoofers, all curious and in wonderment at the caught beast, approached tentatively for a better view. They’d heard about the toad and it’s potential for getting high, so I offered to show them the source of the poison. Whilst examining the milky gland with my fingers, the toad shot out a wad of white toxicity that caught the nearest wwoofer on the thigh. She casually wiped it off with her finger and stuck it in her mouth, then proceeded to swear and curse about the disgusting taste! I was fairly amazed. After bagging a dozen or so big male toads, we returned to the house to tell stories of the giant toad that got away. The toads went into the freezer to die peacefully and my wwoofer went to bed to strange dreams…..
The following evening, I defrosted the toads, removed the meaty rear legs (with the cleaver) and prepared them for dinner……… I’m not kidding. A slow marinate in soy, olive oil and ABC, lightly fried over medium heat and we enjoyed our first toad legs entrée. All agreed they were quite delicious and would eat them again any day, and we have….A resource is a resource, there is free food just begging for more top level predators to control the numbers and we have been squeamish for too long, so, my friends, go forth and hunt, kill and enjoy.

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