Super Poo Does Bondi

She slid silently and effortlessly from her host. A perfect extraction.   A good start she thought as she landed upright on the glass surface of the laboratory table. She peered upwards. Not a smear.

She had begun her fermentation days ago in the bowel of a young woman of excellent biological peerage from the Nimbin valley. A combination of genetically modified organisms designed specifically for symbiosis was fed to her host via choice ferments and elixirs. The micro-biome of her host did the rest. Her sentient and mobile being was the first successful result after a long run of failures.  She stood and peered around her, unfazed by the bright lights. Slowly she began to sway from side to side, gaining momentum almost to point of toppling over.  She became aware of her creators, below and above, observing her every move with complete fascination.  Her body flexed with suppleness as she slowly began to explore the possibilities of movement. She leant forward and inched her way along, then snaked. With a powerful flick of her tail like appendage, she shot quickly across the glass, almost ending up on the floor. She would make a great swimmer.

The scientists were hopeful. Could this be the solution to the Poonamis that were slowly killing people in major cities.  Although the sim meat that had started the turdal waves had been taken off the market, peoples micro-biomes had been subtly changed by the stuff that they continued to produce poo that didn’t break down by normal methods.  The Poonamis were the biggest public and environmental health disaster ever recorded.  Flies  and rats were spreading diseases entrained in the sticky masses. Hospitals were full to overflowing with cases related to poo based communicable diseases.

Her biggest trial was yet to come. She was hungry. A hand guided a plate of thick brown sludge towards her. She knew what it was. Her sentient nature was so highly developed that she was completely aware of the task she was set.  Luckily she savoured the job. It tasted great. It even left a slight craving for more. She metabolised the Poonami sample with ease and felt a new burst of energy coming on.

There was no time to waste. The team from Pooh Solutions packed Super Poo into a transit container and headed south for the biggest challenge yet. The gargantuan Bondi Cigar that now occupied the entire length of Bondi Beach.

Upon arrival the team opened up the stainless steel cylinder to a small surprise. They were not expecting replication so soon. She had five little poo’s, all wiggling their cute tails, eager for the task at hand.  The feeding frenzy began as soon as they were released at the Bondi treatment plant. They chased the Poonami plume and replicated along the way. Munching and squirming, they made it all the way down to Bondi.  Some turned back upstream to head to work in the blocked sewers. Soon there were hundreds of thousands of super poos chasing the sim meat sludge right back to its origins.  The scientists who had designed Super Poo had used one of the “more addictive” ingredients in sim meat to stimulate her appetite.  Unfortunately this meant that Super Poo did not stop at the toilet bowl. Using her powerful tail, she was able to leap right up… get to the real source of the problem.


Contact us

Quick links