The Wonder Loo

There’s a track winding back to an old fashioned shack on the road to Wagga Wagga,

If you’ve been there you will agree, it has a wonderful amenity, for those that need to find it

As an outhouse, it stands alone for all to use it, the fabled road to Wagga bogger.

The shack itself is naught to see, just a bark and pole affair with cobb’n co’s to bind it

The loo however, begs to differ, it was built with flair and opulence, some say it is the 8th world wonder

Upon arrival, you’ll find a marble staircase that winds up to heavens door, an elevated spiral

The door itself is silky oak with smoked opaque glass and flowing waterfall etching Inside you will discover, a most luxurious commode, the red cedar throne alone has no rival

A backrest of brocaded velvet, the floor polished tallow wood, it’s really very fetching

A surprise though to behold, no water just black empty space, not particularly convivial

The innovation though, begins below, the darkness hides its function

A set of whirling blades chops up your poo and sends it down a further chute Into a chamber so constructed, to maximize the vacuum, the poo is further bludgeoned

Squeezed this much, your pulp now must, spin out and out, the liquid sent to scoot

The product now a dried out biscuit with no smell arrives at the junction

Upon which it is crushed again with hammer mill into a flour like powder

The bags of which are sent far and asunder to appreciating farmers

Who feed their compost mixes well with this liquid blended chowder

To sate the microorganisms appetite and help to break the armour

Of dirt so poorly cared for that it hardly holds water, nutrients or life force power

And if it happened, once in every while, a child falls down the toilets hole

The loo will  respond with  a brake applied and the spinning blades arrested

The child though frightened, remained unharmed and extracted from the bowl

How did it know, this unearthly loo, to leave the child unmolested?

The Wonder Loo is a mystery, like the fabled myths of old

Who could have built the thing and why it never fails

To produce it’s bags of fine night soil which all the farmers hail

As a thermophilic compost enhancer to make all others pail

So if you’re ever down that way and need to loose your bowels

You will find it clean and sanitary and smelling much like flowers

Relax and enjoy the elevated view, seated upon the cushion

And make your contribution to the soil, all the while a pushin.


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