Poonami part 1 The Turdal Wave

It was back in 2027 when the first wave hit. Unfortunate residents in the low lying areas near Bondi beach were overwhelmed by a wave of untreatable sewage that had reached epic proportions. A wall of slow moving turds had escaped the sewage treatment plant (STP) and crept silently towards houses in November, just as the weather really started to warm up. By Christmas eve, stockings were full, but not of the normal kind of crap. The stench was unbelievable. No one could get within 5km downwind without dry reaching and turning green. This was obviously not a natural phenomenon but no one yet knew why or how it had been created. Machinery had been used to try to move it, but the stuff was like a Newtonian fluid, the harder you pushed against it the harder it pushed back. It moved slowly under its own weight but force could not deter it. Eventually huge re-enforced concrete barriers turned its path down to Bondi beach, where even the waves and salt water could not break up the mass. The real problem though was that the Poonami was still coming. Every flush toilet in Sydney was contributing a donation to the stinky swell. The Bondi cigar had taken on gargantuan proportions. This was just the beginning. Soon nearly every STP in the country was experiencing something similar, if not on the same scale as that in Sydney. Aussies were literally drowning in their own shit. Finally in January 2028, there was a breakthrough. Just prior to the un-natural event, a multinational food manufacturer had released a high protein simulated meat alternative onto the market. It was such a success due to the high levels of MSG and another patented top secret additive, not to mention its super low price, that the food vendors all started buying it. It tasted so much like meat that no one who consumed it could tell the difference, apart from a subtle craving for more. The meat alternative had been approved by all the relevant agencies in record time. Protein was super expensive to grow naturally and since the worlds grazing lands no longer received adequate rainfall there really was a dire need for cheap protein. In their haste to test the Simeat, no one had thought to test the excrement of the consumers to see if the humanure could be broken down by normal sewage treatment plants. It could not! Meanwhile, near Nimbin, research into the human biome had been in progress for over a decade. The CSIRO quickly realised that ground breaking research was needed to stimulate the organic decomposition of the Poonami’s and a team of scientists began working on the first prototype of a Super Poo, at the Nimbin HQ of Pooh Solutions. Using a range of genetically modified sentient bacteria, amoeba and helminths (worms) and some very interesting diets, the team was finally ready to trial the first sentient, self –propelled turd ever produced. Stay tuned for the next Chapter ….Super Poo Does Bondi. 


Contact us

Quick links